When to Write Wedding Vows

If you’re wondering when to write your wedding vows, you’re already ahead of most people.

The biggest mistake isn’t “bad writing.” It’s waiting until the week-of, when your brain is fried from planning and your emotions are running hot. The fix is simple: start earlier than you think, draft sooner than you want, and polish later than you expect.

Below is a timeline that keeps you calm, keeps your vows “you,” and keeps them ceremony-friendly.

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The “good vows” goal (so the timeline makes sense)

Before we talk dates, lock the target:

• Length: about 1–2 minutes spoken aloud, which is roughly 150–300 words for most people.
  • The Knot recommends ~250–300 words (about 2 minutes) using an average pace of 125–150 words per minute. ¹
  • Zola suggests most vows are 1–2 minutes (about 150–250 words), and separately notes many couples fall in 30 seconds to 3 minutes depending on style. ^{2 3}
• Pace matters: average U.S. English speech is often cited around 150 words per minute, and many speaking guides suggest slowing slightly for clarity. ^{4 5}
• Structure matters more than “poetry”: a simple arc (opening → story → promises → closing) is what keeps vows clear under emotion and nerves. ⁶

If you want a guided flow that keeps you on track (tone, length, structure, practice timing), you can use vows.you as your “railroad tracks” while you write. It’s designed to keep your voice intact—just clearer.

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The best time to start: 8–12 weeks before the wedding

This is the sweet spot because it gives you time for:

• reflection (the good stuff),
• distance (so you can edit without overthinking),
• and practice (so you don’t rush).

Vogue’s professional vow-writer guidance commonly points to starting up to ~three months in advance so you’re not forcing it under pressure. ⁶

What to do at 8–12 weeks (60 minutes total)

Do this in 2–3 short sessions:

1. Brain-dump memories

   • first impression / first “oh wow” moment
   • a hard season you survived
   • a small daily thing you love (the unglamorous truth)
   • a moment you felt chosen
     Vogue explicitly recommends a “brain dump” of memories and moments before you format anything. ⁶

2. Pick 3–5 promise categories

   • “How I’ll treat you”
   • “How we’ll handle conflict”
   • “How I’ll support your dreams”
   • “How I’ll show up day-to-day” The Knot suggests 3–6 promises is a practical range. ⁷

3. Agree on guardrails with your partner

   • target length (e.g., ~2 minutes each)
   • tone (heartfelt, funny-light, modern-minimal)
   • any hard “don’t go there” topics (exes, trauma details, private family stuff)

This one conversation prevents the most common vow problem: one person does 45 seconds and the other does 6 minutes.

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First draft: 4–6 weeks before

This is where you stop thinking and start writing.

What to do at 4–6 weeks (45 minutes)

Write a draft that hits this outline:

1. One-line opening
2. Mini story (2–4 sentences)
3. What I love about you (2–3 specifics)
4. Promises (3–6)
5. Close (1–2 lines)

The Knot’s vow-writing guidance emphasizes reflecting on your past, stating what you love, then moving into specific vows and future. ⁷

Important: This draft does not need to be perfect. It needs to be true and specific.

If you want to make drafting feel easy, vows.you is built exactly for this stage—prompts → structure → a coherent draft you can refine.

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Revision + timing: 10–14 days before

Now you turn “good words” into “good vows.”

Why 10–14 days is magic

Because you can read it aloud multiple times and still have room to cut/edit without panic.

Zola explicitly recommends timing yourself and keeping vows in a practical spoken range. ²

What to do in the 10–14 day window

1. Read aloud with a timer

   • Aim: ~1:30–2:15 (unless you both agree on longer)
   • If you’re around 2:45–3:00, you’re probably repeating yourself.

2. Cut any “throat-clearing” lines

   • “I don’t even know where to start…”
   • “I wrote and rewrote this…”
   • “Everyone says marriage is hard…” Keep one if it feels authentic. Cut the rest.

3. Add one “only us” detail

   • a tiny tradition
   • a specific trip moment
   • a shared phrase This is what guests remember.

4. Print or format a clean reading copy

   • Big enough text
   • clear line breaks
   • no dense paragraphs

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Final polish: 2–3 days before

At this point, you’re not rewriting. You’re removing friction.

What to do 2–3 days before

• Do one “final” read aloud at your real pace.
• Mark breath points (slashes or bolded first words).
• Put it in your ceremony bag (plus a backup copy).

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If you’re behind: three realistic “late timelines”

Option A: You have 7 days

• Day 1: brain dump
• Day 2: first draft
• Day 3: cut + structure
• Day 4: read aloud + time
• Day 5: tighten wording
• Day 6: final reading copy
• Day 7: one calm practice

WeddingWire even has a “procrastinator” vow guide for couples who need a structured approach quickly. ⁸

Option B: You have 48 hours

• Write the simplest version:
  • 1 story
  • 3 promises
  • 1 close
    Keep it under 2 minutes.

Option C: You’re anxious about public vows

Private vow exchanges before the ceremony are a real trend, and can reduce performance pressure while keeping ceremony vows simpler. ⁹

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Why “starting earlier” actually helps (not just planner advice)

Two useful research-adjacent ideas that support the “start early, reflect, then draft” approach:

• Expressive writing research suggests writing about emotional experiences can change how people communicate and process feelings. (This is not wedding-specific, but it supports the idea that reflection improves clarity.) ^{10 11}
• Relationship science has also long studied self-disclosure as central to closeness and liking—again, not wedding-vow-specific, but aligned with why personal specificity lands. ¹²

Translation: You don’t need to be a writer. You need time to remember the real stuff.

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A simple checklist you can follow

8–12 weeks out

• Brain dump: 10 memories + 10 traits
• Pick tone: heartfelt / funny-light / modern-minimal
• Agree on length target (ex: ~2 minutes)

4–6 weeks out

• Draft with structure (opening → story → promises → close)
• Keep promises 3–6

10–14 days out

• Time it aloud
• Cut repeats
• Add 1 “only us” detail

2–3 days out

• Final reading copy
• Backup copy saved

If you want this checklist baked into the writing process (with prompts, structure, and a timing/practice mode), that’s exactly what vows.you is built for.

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References

Footnotes

1. The Knot — “Tips for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows” (includes recommended vow word count and speaking-rate assumption): https://www.theknot.com/content/tips-for-writing-your-own-wedding-vows ↩

2. Zola — “How to Write Wedding Vows” (notes common spoken length and rough word range): https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-write-wedding-vows ↩ ↩²

3. Zola — “How Long Should Wedding Vows Be?” (notes common time range): https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/average-wedding-vow-length ↩

4. National Center for Voice and Speech — Voice qualities tutorial (mentions ~150 wpm average): https://ncvs.org/tutorials/voice-qualities/ ↩

5. Baruch College (Tools for Clear Speech) — Speaking rate guidance (average ~150 wpm; aim slightly slower): https://tfcs.baruch.cuny.edu/speaking-rate/ ↩

6. Vogue — “How to Write the Perfect Wedding Vows” (brain dump + timeline guidance from professional vow writers): https://www.vogue.com/article/how-to-write-wedding-vows ↩ ↩² ↩³

7. The Knot — “Best Wedding Vow Template & Questions” (structure guidance; recommends 3–6 promises): https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-write-your-own-wedding-vows ↩ ↩²

8. WeddingWire — “A Procrastinator’s Guide to Writing Wedding Vows”: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/a-procrastinator-s-guide-to-writing-wedding-vows ↩

9. Brides — “Why You Should Consider Exchanging Vows Before Your Wedding”: https://www.brides.com/should-you-exchange-vows-before-your-wedding-experts-weigh-in-5119507 ↩

10. Pennebaker (2018) — “Expressive Writing in Psychological Science” (PDF): https://cssh.northeastern.edu/pandemic-teaching-initiative/wp-content/uploads/sites/43/2020/10/Pennebaker-Expressive-Writing-in-Psychological-Science.pdf ↩

11. Slatcher & Pennebaker — “How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Words” (study page / abstract): https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2006.01762.x ↩

12. Collins & Miller (1994) — “Self-Disclosure and Liking: A Meta-Analytic Review” (PubMed record): https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7809308/ ↩